A few weeks ago in one of the Facebook groups I’m in, there were a couple of posts from two different people both complaining of bullying in their business. These type of posts always attract a huge response from other members, most of them giving practical solutions and support.
I however, see it very differently. It’s not that I think that practical solutions or even support are not needed. They certainly are. But when I see an adult who is being bullied my first thought is that they have a history of bullying or abuse. And I usually ask them.
In every case, and these two recent ones were no exception, the answer is yes.
Why do I think that and why is this usually the case?
For many of us, when we have experienced bullying or abuse, we have survived it no doubt, but in order to cope with life, we tend to bury the emotional pain. That pain sits in our cellular memory as an unresolved issue. Similarly, so do the beliefs that we might have taken on because of these incidents.
One of the aspects of life that is very interesting is that if we have unresolved ‘stuff’ in our cellular memory, some other human being will undoubtedly trigger that stuff in us. This isn’t only the case with abuse and bullying but with every unresolved issue.
In the case of bullying or abuse, if left unresolved and by that I mean, there is still an emotional charge around that, we will encounter more episodes of the same.
Try as we like to appease the perpetrator, maybe keep a low profile, fight back or stand up for ourselves, even move to other jobs or other places, we find that the issue follows us. These type of issues are passed down through our DNA to our offspring to resolve if we don’t do the inner work.
If I had have asked the two in the group who complained about the bullying were one or both of their parents either bullies or on the receiving end of such treatment, the answer would have been a resounding Yes.
Because that is how it works.
All solutions can be found within. We can learn all sorts of strategies to deal with bullies, we can enforce a zero tolerance on bullying and we can become stronger, but until we end the cycle internally by resolving at an individual level this ‘energy’ of abuse and bullying it will continue.
You’ve only got to ask yourself this one question. Has the incidence of bullying or abuse increased or decreased despite all the programs we have invented to stop it and all the attention it has received?
Bullying and abuse will not be stopped externally. It can become even more socially unacceptable than it already is and we can enforce stronger sanctions, but like drug taking, addiction and crime, it needs to be addressed at the level of cause and on a case by case basis.