Can We Really Change Others?

What's Stopping You From Taking the Next Step?Have you ever heard the statement, “If you change, they either change or move away?” Have you ever experienced it personally or witnessed it happen to someone else? Over time, I have noticed changes occur in increments, little changes that built on each other until one person had changed so much that a relationship becomes unviable. But, have you ever seen it happen instantly or overnight? That happened to Jean Lawler.

Jean was one of my very early clients when I was still in the practice phase and well before EFT (or any other energy therapy) became as mainstream as it is today.

She came to me with two issues. One was the poor relationship with her father and the second involved the lack of support she felt at work. Jean had never been close to her father, but she wanted to be. I can’t remember what we tapped on exactly because it was about 12 years ago, but we cleared some memories around her father and tapped generally on issues with him. (Like I said, I was still practising then)

Jean hated her work and all of her colleagues. They gave her no support, left her out of invites and information, and although I would hesitate to call their behaviour outright bullying, it certainly was pretty close. She spent a lot of time crying both at home and at work. Her resignation seemed only a matter of time.

Now, Jean worked for me on weekends in my singles dance party business taking the entrance fee and registering guests and although she was a good, reliable worker and got on well with my customers, I noticed that she was very sensitive to criticism and took everything personally.

Needless to say, the Kleenex got a good workout whenever Jean was scheduled to work on the door. Back to the session. We started tapping around how her colleagues were treating her at the day job.

It was a fairly ordinary and unforgettable session which is why I don’t remember much of what happened. There were no “Ah ha” moments, no ephanies, no big breakthroughs. Not even any tears. Unusual for Jean.

The session took place on the Sunday. On Wednesday night Jean rang me. She was so excited I thought something really bad had happened. Jean proceeded to tell me how her week had panned out. On Sunday night her father had called her on the phone for the first time in her life. He had never before initiated contact and he told her for the first time that he loved her. Coincidence? I’ll leave you to be the judge of that.

At work on Monday everyone seemed very nice to her, much to Jean’s shock. She was invited out for lunch which she accepted. Another colleague enquired about her health, another offered help which she had been trying to garner unsuccessfully for months. This went on for three days. Her whole work environment had changed. Jean was ecstatic. That was what she had wanted all the time.

What had happened here? Jean’s energy had changed and her colleagues unconsciously of course, reflected that change back to her. You’ve probably heard that life is like a mirror. Up until that point I had known that intellectually, but I really didn’t believe it, because I hadn’t ever witnessed or experienced such a sudden change either in myself or someone else.

Since then of course I have both experienced and witnessed similar scenarios and the changes have been both rapid and instant. In another post I will tell of what my brother calls “The Big Shift,” a shift so profound that it completely changed his whole life.

Did the changes that occurred for Jean at work last or were they fleeting? At that particular job they lasted. Were all the issues that were being acted out in that workplace completely resolved? Of course not. Did Jean need to do more work on her patterns? Definitely. (Please don’t forget she was working with a novice though). Could she have worked at resolving her own issues if she was willing? Most assuredly and that is why EFT is such a gift because it is portable, easy to learn and you can get results even if you don’t know what you’re doing. (Disclaimer here. For serious, traumatic or complicated issue, see a professional)

Was the relationship with her father healed? Of course not. It is far easier to resolve differences with work colleagues through energy work than with family because the connections with family are deep and often more complex and depend on the nature of the issues.

But I want you to think about the implication of Jean’s story. Jean let go of some negative patterns she was carrying and people started treating her differently. Can you see the power in that? If not, think about it a little more.

Normally, when people treat us unkindly, harshly or abusively, what is our first reaction? We blame them. What do we say about them? We call them names like bitch, asshole, and worse. If we are in a relationship with them our friends feel sorry for us, tell us to leave them and that we can do better, etc……True? And then we give away our power and fall immediately into victim consciousness.

That’s how I spent the first 35 years of my life. That’s a very powerless position to be in. That’s not what I say or do these days. (Well, some times I forget and slip back into victim consciousness. I’m only human and I have been living with 3rd dimensional consciousness for a long time.)

I have learned that if someone treats me in a way that I do not like, I ask myself immediately why this has happened. I don’t shoot the messenger, because that is all they are. They are a messenger telling me that something is out of balance or that an issue needs resolving in me. That gives me the opportunity to clear it. What a perfect and fool proof system. How brilliant is that? What power we have to affect change in our life. And how lucky are we at this point in time to be given techniques that enable rapid change? What a gift.

This, my friends, is Evolution at work. I want to leave you with this thought. Who in your life right now is pushing you towards higher consciousness?

And you thought they were just pushing your buttons. If this resonates with you and you’d like to resolve some of your own relationship issues, contact me.  I’d love to hear from you.

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