My cousin Danny used to drive me nuts when I was a child. He was always happy, laughing and carefree, no matter what happened. And that really annoyed me. In stark contrast, I was angry, fearful, worried and sad and that’s before anything bad happened.
And I was pissed off about this. It seemed to me that life had short changed me in the personality stakes and there was nothing I could do about it. I always expected the worst and in my family the worst was never far away.
Whether you realize it or not, emotional mastery is the key to health, wealth and happiness. Emotional mastery is the process by which well adjusted individuals maintain their equilibrium in the face of the raging storm of life.
As I grew up and learned about the power of positive thinking and devoured every self help book I could find and studied metaphysics, I knew intellectually that real change is possible, even in regards to our personality. (Personality is not fixed. It is nothing more the way we have chosen to view the world). I tried to be cheerful, take a positive approach, look on the bright side, reframe my circumstances and situations and stop worrying. It seemed the more I tried, the worse I felt.
Finally it dawned on me. There is a world of difference between thinking and feeling, even though we are told the two are inextricably linked. We believe that if we think positively we should be able to expect a positive result. That is true up to a point.
This is why the cause and effect principle linking thinking and feeling is not true in all situations. The belief that thought always determines feeling is a trite and superficial way to view the world. All that does for a large percentage of the population is to make them feel guilty for not being positive enough and resentful for not being one of the chosen few for whom life is a piece of cake.
My childhood was no picnic. It was a living nightmare to put it bluntly. Psychologists and psychiatrists and alternative therapists told me to forgive, to get over it, to let it go. And of course they were right, but not one of them could tell me HOW to do that. (I finally learned that letting go and clearing is easy when we access the emotions through the energy system).
When you experience negativity, poverty, violence, and scarcity on a grand scale when you are a child, you develop loads of negative neural pathways which become triggered every time you encounter a similar situation in the present. These neural pathways can immediately jettison you into a negative emotional state. To make it worse, your well meaning (and positive) friends and family tell you to stop worrying. Doesn’t help folks. In fact, as I said before it can trigger guilt, self criticism and finally resentment and then of course you feel worse.
Now, you probably haven’t lived a childhood nightmare like me, but whenever we find ourselves in a negative emotional state that robs us of our peace of mind, a negative neural pathway has been triggered and we have fallen down into the pit.
Let’s take road rage as an example. Someone cuts you off in traffic or does something you consider stupid or dangerous on the road. You react before your rational brain has a chance to stop you from becoming crazy and you act accordingly. A memory of an earlier time in which you were punished for an action some significant adult considered stupid or dangerous but for which you felt the treatment was unjustified or harsh has been triggered in you. Negative memories that remain unresolved in our energy fields will always continue to manifest in the present as a way to seek resolution. Life is constantly seeking resolution.
Unfortunately, because of the limited way in which most of us still view the world, we judge ‘negative’ situations as bad and consequently drop further into the pit of fear, stress, worry or anxiety every time these earlier memories are triggered.
Today, when something occurs in my life that I would rather not experience, I clear it emotionally. I refuse to stay attached to it, refuse to fall into the pit of victim consciousness, refuse to buy into it as a problem. Instead I choose to see it as one more step in my evolution towards higher consciousness.
Now, while all this might seem like a load of nonsense and before you start thinking of me as holier than thou, let me tell you this. I have been in the pit more times that most, and my pit has been so deep and murky and despairing than you could ever dream in your worst nightmare. And I have never been able to just decide to look at life differently. It was never that simple for me. To get out of the pit and to stay out and to finally gain emotional mastery, I use the Thought Zapper, my version of tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short on issues as they manifest in my life.
When something happens I don’t like, an emotion is triggered and I use the tapping process until I think and feel differently. That usually takes only a few minutes. Tapping automatically changes how you FEEL, and makes you the master of your emotions. It’s a brilliantly simple solution to helping us navigate the ups and downs of life.
And this is even more amazing. The more you tap, the better life gets and eventually you’ll see fewer issues turn up in your life. Others start behaving differently towards you. Your buttons aren’t pushed as often. You allow others to be who they are without judgement. You’ll be less stressed and feel happier than ever before because you know you can deal with whatever life throws at you. Can you imagine that?
Imagine what our workplaces would be like if we were able to master our emotions when the boss gave us disapproving looks or even worse yelled at us?
Imagine what our homes could be like if we stopped taking everything so personally and learned what emotional intelligence could do for harmony at home.