Have you ever heard the statement, “If you change, they either change or move away?’ Have you ever experienced it personally or witnessed it happen to someone else? Over time, I have noticed changes occur in increments, little changes that build on each other. But, have you ever seen it happen instantly or overnight? That happened to Jean Lawler.
Jean was one of my very early clients when I was still in the practice phase so I was only a novice at change work using Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT.
She came to me with two issues. One was the poor relationship with her father and the second involved the lack of support she felt at work. Jean had never been close to her father, but she wanted to be. I can’t remember what we actually worked on because it was about 18 years ago, but we cleared some memories around her father and worked generally on issues with him.
Jean hated her work and all of her colleagues. They gave her no support, left her out of invites and information, and although I would hesitate to call their behaviour outright bullying, it certainly was pretty close. She spent a lot of time crying both at home and at work. Her resignation seemed only a matter of time.
It was a fairly ordinary and unforgettable session which is why I don’t remember much of what happened. There were no “Ah ha” moments, no epiphanies, no big breakthroughs. Not even any tears. Unusual for Jean, who was prone to taking things personally and having dramas.
The session took place on the Sunday. On Wednesday night Jean rang me. She was so excited I thought something really bad had happened. Jean proceeded to tell me how her week had panned out. On Sunday night her father had called her on the phone for the first time in her life. He had never before initiated contact and he told her for the first time that he loved her. Coincidence? I’ll leave you to be the judge of that.
At work on Monday everyone seemed very nice to her, much to Jean’s shock. She was invited out for lunch which she accepted. Another colleague enquired about her health, another offered help which she had been trying to garner unsuccessfully for months. This went on for three days. Her whole work environment had changed. Jean was ecstatic. That was what she had wanted all the time.
What had happened here? Jean’s ‘energy’ had changed and her colleagues, unconsciously of course, reflected that change back to her. You’ve probably heard that life is like a mirror. Up until that point I had known that intellectually, but I really didn’t believe it, because I hadn’t ever witnessed or experienced such a sudden change either in myself or someone else.
Since then of course I have both experienced and witnessed similar scenarios and the changes have been both rapid and instant.
Did the changes that occurred for Jean at work last or were they fleeting? At that particular job they lasted. Were all the issues that were being acted out in that workplace completely resolved? Of course not. Did Jean need to do more work on her patterns? Definitely. Was she then able to start resolving some of her own issues if she was willing? Most assuredly. EFT is easy to learn and you can get results even if you don’t know what you’re doing. (Disclaimer here. For serious, traumatic or complicated issue, see a professional)
Was the relationship with her father healed? Of course not. It is far easier to resolve differences with work colleagues through this type of energy work than with family because the connections with family are deep and often more complex and depend on the nature of the issues.
But I want you to think about the implication of Jean’s story. Jean let go of some negative patterns she was carrying and people started treating her differently. Can you see the power in that? If not, think about it a little more.
Normally, when people treat us unkindly, harshly or abusively, what is our first reaction? We blame them. What do we say about them? We call them names like bitch, asshole, and worse. If we are in a relationship with them our friends feel sorry for us, tell us to leave them and that we can do better, etc……True? And then we give away our power and fall immediately into victim consciousness.
I have learned that if someone treats me in a way that I do not like, I ask myself immediately why this has happened. I don’t shoot the messenger, because that is all they are. They are a messenger telling me that something is out of balance or that an issue needs resolving in me. That gives me the opportunity to clear it. What a perfect and fool proof system. What power we have to affect change in our life. And how lucky are we at this point in time to be given techniques that enable rapid change? What a gift.
Who in your life is pushing your buttons? Work colleagues? Bosses? Family members?
If someone you know is pushing your buttons or you have an issue you’d liked resolved, contact me or book a series of sessions and watch your relationships change
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