Why Do Nice People Get Bullied?

Nice people get bulliedI used to ask that question all the time when I was a child. My mother was the nicest person you could ever meet.  She was loveable, fun and a real good sport.  We didn’t need to keep secrets from Mum because she was so non- judgmental of our behaviour.  All of my friends came to her when they had problems.

So, I couldn’t help but wonder why she was so bullied by my father. The truth was, she was not just bullied, she was intimidated, controlled and physically abused.  The way my mother was treated by my father was horrendous.

As I grew older I couldn’t help notice that she was intimidated and bullied by many other people as well. Landlords, debt collectors, neighbours, and sometimes friends all jumped onto the bullying bandwagon.  My mother never retaliated and she didn’t speak up much for herself on any of these occasions.

I guess you could describe my mother as the ultimate victim.  And it annoyed the hell out of me. I just couldn’t see why she wouldn’t speak up for herself or even on occasions protect herself.

My mother just seemed to put up with things, accepting the meagre crumbs that life dished out.  She tolerated verbal abuse and intimidation from others, but particularly from authority figures or those she perceived to have more power than her, which was practically everyone.

And I noticed that this powerlessness seemed to follow her.  She could change partners, jobs or houses, but still the bullying and intimidation appeared in one form or another.

Over the years I made a study of bullying.  It was fascinating to me why some got bullied and others didn’t. I have a teacher friend who has been bullied in the workplace in her last three schools, and I have noticed that each time, the bully is worse than the one before. She is a very nice person, accommodating, friendly, helpful, much like my mother.

The one thing that ‘victims’ of bullying all seem to have in common is a low sense of personal power. They usually defer to others easily, they try to keep the peace, they doubt themselves often and they absolutely hate conflict.

In fact, the analogy of the chicken coup comes to mind when I think of the bully victim relationship.  Why does the one chicken get picked on by another chicken?   The same occurs in aquariums.  The stronger ones attack the weaker ones.

But why do bullies attack nice people?

Because they are perceived as weaker and won’t fight back.

Because their personal power is limited.

Because nice people want to keep the peace.

Because, contrary to popular belief, bullies also have a low sense of self and somehow they feel a need to make themselves feel temporarily better by attacking a ‘weaker’ person.

So, what can a person who is being bullied do?  Well, it depends on whether or not you want to seek compensation for the bullying, get revenge, have the bully vilified, curtail the immediate behaviour or stop being bullied altogether.

There is a different pathway for each of these possible outcomes.  But all of them involve taking back your power in some way. Nice people get bullied

If you are interested in finding a way to stop being bullied then perhaps I can help. I can teach people who have been bullied to take back their personal power.  Once personal power is restored, you become BullyProof.  You become like all the other people in the world who never get bullied.

Standing in your own personal power is a wonderful place to be. You deserve it. There’s no greater feeling than knowing that other people can no longer intimidate you or make you feel powerless.  And you can still be a nice person. Isn’t it time you reclaimed your own personal power from bullies? If  you are interested in becoming BullyProof, find out more here.

If the idea of Becoming BullyProof resonates with you, book a 15 Minute Discovery Session to see if you are truly ready.



5 Responses to Why Do Nice People Get Bullied?

  1. Carolina HeartStrings February 8, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

    Nice people are reluctant to offend which I think is mostly said by your point about keeping the peace. All good points.

    • Madonna February 8, 2013 at 11:43 pm #

      Yes, that is true Alessa. But it does seem to make it harder to accept.

  2. The Great Gordino
    February 8, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

    I’ve also seen many people bullied over the years – I guess we all have.
    I’d agree it’s about developing personal power and esteem to push back against it.

    I’d also agree that most bullies have low self esteem, that’s why they normally ‘respect’ those that stand up to them – in other words the bullies themselves are showing their own lack of strength themselves!

    I say most bullies, because some bullies do have high self esteem, and not only can see no wring in what they do, but positively revel in it. I have as little to do with people like that as I possibly can!

    Some important points raised.
    The Great Gordino recently posted..A Product Launch Tool Worth Considering!My Profile

    • Madonna February 8, 2013 at 10:44 pm #

      Thanks for commenting Gordon. Up to a point, I do agree with you about some bullies having high self esteem, but I think those mostly fit into the sociopath category and not a typical bully. As you have pointed out a bully easily backs down when confronted by someone with more personal power.

    • Madonna March 4, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

      Hi Gordon,

      Thanks for your comprehensive response. I’m not sure I agree that some bullies have high self esteem. They might have high confidence levels but that is not the same thing. People with high self esteem try to build others up, not tear them down.

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